Singles & Dating

When To Say, "I Love You"

The climax of just about every love story is that key moment when the object of affection looks longingly into the other’s eyes; their heart pounds so fast that it sends paralyzing jolts of euphoria throughout the body, and then they say those three little magic words… I love you. This scenario is maybe what we see in the movies, but it is also how we imagine it happening in real life. And, quite frankly how it really should be. Anything else is nothing short of a disappointment. So, how can you ensure that your first “I love yous” will play out like the scene you’ve always envisioned? Read on.

One of the most important things to know about saying I love you is that, from the receiver’s point of view, having someone tell you that they love you when the feelings aren’t reciprocated is a horrible feeling. All of a sudden, feelings of fear and a sense of obligation emerge. With this in mind, take the following advice to heart if you are the one saying the first, “I love you.” Even though being honest to yourself and others is of utmost importance, taking your partner’s feelings into consideration is an equally necessary component. We often tell ourselves we are experiencing true love when we feel lust, excitement and connection. In my opinion, time is the only sure way to decipher the true nature of your emotions.

It can often seem like we have a built in compulsion to fall or be in love. Sometimes I feel like I could, and do, fall in love every other week. For example, my latest love affair began with a long phone call and then four dates in one week. We both fell so hard for each other, that one day (during the second week), the words just slipped out of my mouth. He was so happy, he picked me up and twirled me around saying, “I love you too. I love you too.” The following month, we were on fire. Predictably, the month after was a little different. After spending every day together for a month, we got to know each other pretty well and there wasn’t anything left to talk about. Our dreams for the future were vastly different and as for our ideas of intellectually stimulating conversation, well…there weren’t any.

This left me in the predicament of forced “I love yous.” I found out that this wasn’t the kind of love that means, “I don’t ever want to imagine a day without kissing you and I’d do anything to ensure that I don’t.” You see, most people hear those words when you’re telling them that you love them. It’s what they want to hear, so they do. Hearing those words when you don’t reciprocate the feeling SUCKS! If you aren’t sure that what you're feeling is mutual or immutable, wait. It’s worth it. Hold your tongue until you’re sure to have a “movie moment.” The more anticipation you can build up, the better your moment. Pushing for this key moment will only cheapen it.

Imagine yourself marrying this person and then, ten years down the road, you’re reminiscing. “Oh, honey, do you remember the first time I said ‘I love you’?” How do you want that memory to be? I think some people treat the words so casually, that they forget soon after, but there are some who will forever keep the memory because they prevented prematurely saying, “I love you.”