The Rules To Love: Preventing Affairs

 

The Rules To Love: Preventing Affairs

Each week, I sit down to answer my weekly batch of requests for advice. Within a few moments I will invariably unearth the most common relationship problem I’ve encountered in my time at Lovingyou.com. Wondering what that could be? It seems that over two-thirds of the lovesick and forlorn have problems staying faithful to their partner. I don’t mean actual intercourse affairs, but rather what I’d like to refer to as the silent killer, affairs of the heart.

Discovering this fact is not what is most disconcerting to me. The real problem I have is that it is a very rare encounter when someone will actually give this extra-relationship interest the proper weight it deserves. No one seems to ever connect their relationship problems with the fact they have begun an outside interest. It seems impossible to me to be able to ignore the fact that if you are having problems AND you feel you are, or may be, interested in someone else that there is some type of correlation. Usually, you’ll find the reason for the problems in the current relationship are BECAUSE of the extra-interest. Not the other way around as so many would like to convince themselves is true.

I could truly go on a very self-indulgent rant on this issue, but that won’t change the current climate of romance. What will is a recognized and followed agreement to adhere to some particular procedure when it comes to matters of the unfaithful heart. You can’t always control your heartstrings when they are being pulled in a different direction. But, you can make sure you are keeping your love affairs ethical and distinguished, something severely lacking in relationships in this era.

So, I propose a solution for tender hearts everywhere, the “Rules of Love for Preventing Affairs.” It incorporates all of the advice I have been giving for the last six years on this site regarding affairs. I believe one of the best ways to be happy is to know you’ve taken preventative measures against unhappiness. Knowing how you or your partner will behave in a certain situation gives you a certain sense of confidence and freedom in your relationship that many don’t experience.

With your partner, talk about the following steps and how you feel about them. Is there anything you would add to them? Can you both agree to follow them? If not, why? The important thing is to talk and find something you both agree on.

Finish this sentence as applies to your relationship:

Being involved with someone else means:
a) you are engaging in a physical intimate relationship with someone outside of your current one and/or
b) you are engaging in a mental intimate relationship with someone outside of your current one and/or
c) you have an emotional interest (from the past or present) towards someone outside of your current relationship.

RULES OF LOVE: AFFAIRS

Do NOT become involved with another person if you are currently committed to someone else. Don’t bend the situation to justify your actions. If the person you are with expects you to be with only them, then do that.

If you become interested in someone else:

1. Cease all contact with them until you have resolved the problems with your current relationship.
2. Find out why your interest towards your current partner has waned.
   a. Are you spending enough time with each other?
   b. Are you looking for an escape or a start over type relationship because of too much bad history?
   c. Has an outside interest allowed you to think less of your partner?
3. Decide whether this is repairable.
   a. Have you talked about your problems?
   b. Can you find a solution through an outside source?
4. If repairable, do what is necessary to properly fix your current problems and take measures to avoid them from happening again.
5. If not, repairable, leave your current relationship.
   a. Do not see the person you were interested in for at least 30 days after you are on your own again.
   b. If you still feel you may be truly interested in starting a relationship with this person make sure you take things slowly and that you have truly discovered what factors contributed to the demise of your previous relationships. You don’t need to keep making the same mistakes repetitively.